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Help on a Marriage Counseling Question

February 9th, 2015

Need help friends. This a question that I can’t really seem to find a good answer for:

My wife will not listen to me and says she wants a divorce. She is not acting like a married woman. Is asking my father in law for help a good idea?

My initial thought is “bad idea” because the FIL will be biased by the fact it’s his “little girl” and also it may push the wife farther away if she feels he is trying to turn her family on her. Can’t find a Scripture to hang my hat on. Really difficult question and would appreciate your thoughts.

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  • Christopher Dupre There is no Scripture about speaking to in-laws. He should hang his hat on what the Bible says about divorce and do what he can to make his wife see the same thing. If she’s not listening to him, then barring a miracle, it’s probably over. I would very strongly urge him to try to talk her into going to a Christian marriage counselor, if they haven’t done so already.
    February 8 at 4:02pm · Like
  • Carol Coleman You don’t really have enough info. This couple most likely needs serious Christian marriage counseling.
    February 8 at 4:06pm · Like · 1
  • Tim White The husband and wife are to leave Mother and Father. If FIL has any advice, his daughter may become resentful. Tell him to seek the Lord, trust the Lord, and if other counseling is needed, look for it outside the family.
    February 8 at 4:27pm · Like · 3
  • Sarah Van Baale I agree with Tim. Also from a woman’s perspective, I would resent my husband if he went to my father with an issue about me. It would only complicate the problem. When I left my parent’s house and got married, I no longer answered to my father for my actions, but rather my husband. I’d also think my husband was “weak” if he did that. Overall, it would be a very bad idea in my opinion. Marriage issues should be kept within the marriage unless 3rd party Christian counseling is needed. I also think there is a lot more to this story than he is letting on. There are so many things “not acting like a married woman” could mean. And “not listening to me” might mean “not doing what I tell her.” I’m pretty skeptical of this man’s good intentions.
    February 8 at 4:49pm · Like · 1
  • Fred Becker There is scripture to seek counsel of older men. Is he Christian? Does
    his life show pattern of good decisions (wise)? How well does the person
    know FIL? Might be best alli or worst enemy in this case. Told to honor    …See More
    February 8 at 6:04pm · Like
  • Steve Ray Webb Is the wife even a Christian? Is the FIL? What is the basis for her wanting a divorce – infidelity? physical abuse? Definitely not enough information known to answer without making some huge assumptions.
    February 8 at 6:32pm · Like · 1
  • Robert Pristoop I would recommend that he read the book “If Only He Knew” by D. Rainey. Get some good counseling if the wife is willing. He doesn’t provide the why she wants a divorce so it may be something to ask about. But if both are committed believers they should know that divorce is not an option.
    February 8 at 6:53pm · Like
  • Gina Cook My first thought and one that I may request further explanation on is “she won’t listen to you about what”. Is he one of those “man is head of wife so therefore she is my slave and must do whatever I want her to do” men? There are “Christian” men out there that take being head of household way too far.
    February 8 at 8:09pm · Like · 2
  • Sarah Van Baale Gina – That’s what kind of went through my mind too.
    February 8 at 8:09pm · Like
  • Ed Chait Personally speaking, I’m very resistant to asking for more information from the questioner and I know it’s a pride problem, but I agree that really huge assumptions would have to be made. The other option is covering all the bases which would make for a much longer and more laborious answer.
    February 8 at 8:20pm · Like
  • Lincoln Bostick I agree with you Gina.
    February 8 at 8:38pm · Like
  • Marilyn Mcclintock The best thing this man can do is PRAY his heart out. God is able to bring conviction to both of them, (accordingly), and gives the power and grace to do His will. Prov. 28:13 Were they living up to Eph. 5:22-33? 1 Cor. 15:57; Phil. 4:13; 1 Cor. 7:5; 13:1-8.
    Yesterday at 8:16am · Like
  • Patrick Thompson FacebookMy first response biblically would be (Eph. 5:22-33) where the emphasis is on the actions of the husband. Particularly important is only the husband is commanded to love, not the wife. The husband is to follow Christ’s example of showing self-sacrificing love for his wife. In this way, the husband is actually called to a more extreme expression of submission and devotion than is the wife. The wife submits unto the husband as unto the Lord and also respects her husband. The heaviest responsibility remains in the husband’s hands to take the lead in the marriage.
    I thought the movie and follow-up study on “Fire Proof” was excellent. The movie predicts a similar scenario to this question that you received. We have used this movie and study in our church with very good results.

 

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