Help with a question on marriage

Deb Whittier Newman

OK. I’m STUCK! A couple has been married for 4 years and the marriage was never consummated, the wife wants to leave. She says her husband will not talk to her unless she asks him a question. He won’t seek counseling with her. She’s begging GQ more or less, to give her permission to leave the marriage. They live in Africa. She’s between 18 & 30. Is it wrong to tell her to talk to a pastor and send her away from GQ? I’ve already encouraged her to seek counseling and she returned a follow-up question saying that he won’t go and that she just wants out. She now says she doesn’t even want kids with this man. If the husband is withholding his body, do we have the obligation as Christians to tell her to try or do we admit to her that there are biblical grounds to leave?

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Pstr Richard J Rizzi My opinion: It is a good thing for her to speak with her pastor. That is unless he is so tied to his culture that he side with the husband.

Like · Reply · 1 · January 22 at 9:03am

Deb Whittier Newman IF she has a pastor…

Like · Reply · January 22 at 9:03am

Pstr Richard J Rizzi true…

Like · Reply · January 22 at 9:04am

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Tim White Biblically, (and I expect few to agree with me), consummation is more important that the ceremony. If they have not consummated, they are not fully married. If it were my daughter, I would tell her to get away from that fruitcake and fast.

Like · Reply · 8 · January 22 at 9:03am

Deb Whittier Newman No, I agree with you, which is why I was conflicted. I know it’s not a popular view.

Like · Reply · January 22 at 9:04am

Tim White And I mean no disrespect for fruitcakes.

Like · Reply · 2 · January 22 at 9:05am

Marilyn Mcclintock I also agree that if the marriage has not been consummated, they are not fully married. Annulment?

Like · Reply · 3 · January 22 at 9:05am

Mary Bennett Reetz It is not a marriage. I would give her my blessing to leave as well. Praying for her.

Like · Reply · 1 · January 22 at 10:32am

Dean Revell Over here they used to talk about annulment of marriage being a simple legal declaration that the marriage was never completed – it’s not biblical to withhold our bodies even if it’s agreed. ‘The two will become one flesh.’ That’s my opinion anyway.

Like · Reply · January 22 at 12:56pm

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Tim White I should have said that “the case can be made that consummation….”

Like · Reply · 1 · January 22 at 9:04am

Deb Whittier Newman OK. I’m feeling better about my “gut” reaction now. I just wanted to make sure I was on the right path. Thank you!

Like · Reply · 1 · January 22 at 9:06am

Stuart Mattfield Deb, I would have to respectfully disagree with the answers that have been given here, but I have to confess that I don’t believe that I have one that’s any better. No I don’t believe that the ceremony is the primary anchor point, but I don’t believe that there is a Biblical argument to make consumation the anchor point of marriage either. I would say that the issue is far more intangible and has to do with the heart vice the physical. Most of all, I would encourage you to not answer…and push this answer up the chain, so to speak. If she’s looking for permission from GQ, then I believe someone else should give the answer and it should be in the form that we are not her spiritual authority to do such things. This answer has very serious implications.

Like · Reply · 3 · January 22 at 9:18am

Deb Whittier Newman That’s where I became conflicted. But I do know that back in biblical days, the couple would marry, and then go straight to the bedroom to consummate the marriage, then join the reception. It was expected that “the two shall become one” immediately. Thank you for the advice!

Like · Reply · January 22 at 9:23am · Edited

Joe Maxey GQ has a good article on this…it might help.http://www.gotquestions.org/marriage-constitutes.html

What constitutes marriage according to the Bible?

What constitutes marriage according to the…

GOTQUESTIONS.ORG

Like · Reply · Remove Preview · 1 · January 22 at 9:49am

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Evan Plante Ditto Tim White

Like · Reply · 1 · January 22 at 11:08am

Michael Karpf It is not the place of GQ to give her permission to leave the marriage. I read the article and it was very well written. It looks like this woman is looking for someone to ok her plans so she can do it without feeling guilty. Unfortunately, she still has her conscience to live with. I don’t know all the circumstances, but I would not ok a divorce, particularly when she has no grounds for it. Does the Bible make allowances for divorce? The answer to that question will need to be answered in another post

Like · Reply · 1 · January 22 at 4:13pm

Deb Whittier Newman Not divorce… annulment. The marriage was never consummated.

Like · Reply · January 22 at 4:23pm

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Christopher Dupre We know that marriage is a covenant with God as witness (Proverbs 2:17). Also, Isaac and Rebekah had no ceremony as Isaac immediately took Rebekah into his deceased mother’s tent and ‘she became his wife, and he loved her’. Seems clear that the physical joining of the two made them married, all with the intent of a life long relationship, a covenant before God–which they bore out with their lives. Ceremony or government recognition, I believe is not a prerequisite. Covenant and physical joining, becoming one flesh, is. Ceremonies came about to celebrate the union, of course, but also to ensure no one thought any hanky panky was going on. “not a hint of immorality” They did this by declaring to family and friends that they were now a married couple. Might as well make a party of it, while you’re at it! My 2 cents.

Like · Reply · 1 · Yesterday at 11:41am

Joe Maxey I agree Christopher…see my post- “in God’s eyes”…

Like · Reply · 2 · Yesterday at 12:15pm

Christopher Dupre Yes, very good. I would say that the couple in question is still in the betrothal period of their relationship. It’s a long engagement, and opens the woman to temptation, since the man is not interested in that part of the relationship. I’m not certain about this because I just thought of it, but thought I’d open another can of worms. lol!

Like · Reply · Yesterday at 12:31pm

Deb Whittier Newman Not to mention… she wants kids! It’s just a bad situation.

Like · Reply · 1 · Yesterday at 12:50pm

Christopher Dupre 4 years. The woman is a saint.

Like · Reply · Yesterday at 1:00pm

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Deb Whittier Newman I finally answered her by strongly encouraging her to talk to her pastor and ask him if an annulment was in order… after I told her that I would never encourage her to get a divorce. Hope she’s not as confused as when she wrote in! frown emoticon

Like · Reply · 3 · Yesterday at 12:51pm

Desiree Angeles I really don’t see any reason for her to leave her husband just because the two of them didn’t share the bed. Unless he commit an adultery or beat her, says in Matthew 19:1-12 and 1 Corinthians 7:1-16
I’ve read the other posts and sorry if I will ask this sensitive question; Is sex really necessary to make marriage life happy and lasts long? Should love be proven by it?
Those are some questions I received even from my fellow youth members and I didn’t know how to answer it. unsure emoticon

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Help with a question on marriage

Deb Whittier Newman

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