It was the year of 2001, and following on the Millennium celebrations the year before, a mood of happy optimism prevailed in England.  It was the same for me and my husband Geoff.  We had finally adjusted to the grief of losing our first grandchild and were beginning to move on and look ahead once more, we were both happy and fulfilled in our jobs, and then to our joy we learned that our two other daughters-in-law were both pregnant.  We were leaving the shadows behind us at last and life was good again.

I was working for the Head of the Association of Christian Teachers in the UK and enjoying it very much.  Having spent a good many years as a PA for various employers I had reached a good standard of accuracy and efficiency in my duties and my boss, Richard Wilkins, was not only a deeply committed Christian but had also become a good friend. In particular, it was a great pleasure to be assisting him at a time when Christian teachers in the UK were becoming more and more challenged concerning their faith and needed all the advice and support we could give.

As I have already said, life was good – and then one day, most uncharacteristically, l made a silly mistake.  When packing up the necessary files that Richard needed for the weekend conference he was about to attend I had forgotten to include a vital document, with the result that Richard, on discovering this error on his arrival at the Conference, had to travel many miles back again to get it.  Not only was he justifiably annoyed about this, he was also astonished, as his name for me up until then had been ‘Efficiency Personified’, a title of which I was very proud.  I too was astonished at myself as we had studied this document together, and I well knew the very great importance of Richard having it to hand when he discussed with his colleagues the issue for which the Conference had been called.  Fortunately he had a very forgiving nature and all was soon right again.  That is until l made another stupid mistake the very next day by completely forgetting something else that was important.  By now I was completely bewildered and not a little frightened as my concentration was also going haywire along with my memory, not only at the office but at home as well. Carol, my friend and colleague at the office, was quite clear about what I needed to do.  Something abnormal was obviously going on and my doctor should be consulted.

One of the blessings of our lives is that we have an excellent and extremely caring doctor and one who, unlike others of her kind, had no doubt whatever in her mind as to the reality of Myalgic Encephalomyelitis, commonly known as ME.  I was immediately packed off to a Specialist in ME who confirmed her suspicions.  I had somehow contracted this viral illness for which there was no known cure and I was now unfit for work of any kind.

My first reaction was one of enormous relief and thanksgiving as I had been terrified that I was suddenly losing my mental faculties and would end up in an institution.  Also, as I had been feeling desperately tired recently in spite of many early nights and as much rest as I could manage, it was wonderful to be able to sink into my bed and know that I could stay there until I felt able to get up.

A family conference was then called, and having seen to it that Richard and Carol were immediately informed of the situation our children then arranged that while my husband Geoff was out at work somebody would be always on call in case of need.  I am blessed with a wonderful family, and each and every member did all they could to be of help, sending round cooked meals, helping with the shopping and laundry etc., etc.,  and with their help a routine was organised and I began to learn how to live with ME.

For the rest of 2001 and most of 2002, in spite of the downside of ME such as aches and pains in my limbs, loss of memory and concentration and every action requiring a great effort as every part of my body always seemed to feel as heavy as lead, there was a definite upside as well.  Much as I had enjoyed my working life and missed my job very much, for the first time in my life I had leisure to spend hours doing the things that I really enjoyed.  I am a jigsaw puzzle addict for a start and as soon as I finished one puzzle I could immediately begin on another – what bliss! I read book after book, and best of all I could spend endless time on my most favourite hobby of all, which was embroidery.

Thus the time passed very happily for me until 2003 came round.  I was still enjoying doing just as I liked each day, and filling my time with my interests and hobbies, but there is a saturation point for everything, no matter how enjoyable, and the day inevitably came when I began to sense depression ‘sniffing at my edges’.

I had always believed that God had a purpose for the lives of each and every one of those who loved and followed His Son Jesus, and until the onset of the ME had always felt that I was walking the path that He had chosen for me.  Now I had been abruptly turned off my path, and where was God in this?  I was truly grateful to Him for my many blessings, but had He no further use for me now?  I began to realise that the origin of my slowly growing depression came from the fact that I felt that I had now been ‘put out to grass’ and that in God’s mind there was nothing further for me to do in the Great Task, that of furthering the Kingdom of God on earth.  Apart from the occasional discomfort brought on by the ME I had a wonderful life.  I was provided with everything I needed, was surrounded by loving family and friends, and I had nothing else to do but to please myself for the rest of my life.  This was all very well, but there was one factor that I could never come to terms with and that haunted my every waking moment – my life, no matter how comfortable and pleasant it was, was a living death if I was not helping to fulfil the purposes of God on earth.

I was properly ‘zapped’ as my grandsons would say, and in my desperation I did not so much as cry out to my Heavenly Father for something, anything, no matter how small; I SCREAMED for it!  With my whole soul and spirit I screamed for help in my trapped situation, and God answered.  Sleepless in the darkest hours of the night I heard that still, small voice quoting the last line from Milton’s beautiful poem On His Blindness, “They also serve who only stand and wait.”

In the morning I felt a calm and a peace in my spirit for the first time in many dark months of doubt and fear.  I had not yet been shown what the Lord wanted me to do but I HAD been assured that I was still able to serve, even though I was locked in a cage labelled ME.  This wonderful sense of peace continued as the following days went by, and then came the afternoon when, idly surfing through the Christian section of the Internet, I came across Got Questions; in fact not only did I discover the existence of these wonderful people whose mission was to reach out to those in distress and provide them with God’s answers to their problems and difficulties, but – THEY NEEDED WRITERS!!!

Since my teenage years I had been aware that I had been given the gift of the written word, and I knew with absolute certainty that God was now showing me the new path He wanted me to take.  I wrote to the Got Questions team, my family clubbed together to buy me a laptop and, as they say, the rest is history.

For ten years now it has been my joy and privilege to serve as a writer for Got Questions, and to have watched them flourishing under the blessing of God, so that they have now grown from a small group of dedicated Christians to a much larger and better equipped team who can now, with the assistance of translators, reach out into other countries and serve those of other languages and cultures as well as the English speaking peoples.  I still feel a sense of wonder that confined as I am, I am able by the Grace of God and always with the assistance of the Holy Spirit, to bring help, guidance and comfort to those in need.  Certainly the ME is a hindrance at times when it is bad, but my one prayer is that I shall be able to go on serving others through this wonderful organisation for many more years yet to come.