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Question on marriage

January 27th, 2015

Wendyl Leslie
January 27, 2015

Just received an interesting question and need your advice before answering. I’m thinking this person is wanting to have sex with his fiancée before marriage because she’s dying of cancer. The questioner is apparently wanting to know if this is alright in the eyes of God:

“Please help, I am shortly going to marry the love of my life. Sadly, her health is not good (cancer) We may not be able to “consummate” our marriage. To me, I love her so very much, that to me…it doesn’t really matter.just to be with her is enough! How will God see this? Will we really be married?”

Many thanks for your input on this!

Like ·
  • John Edward Rasmussen It sounds like he doesn’t think their marriage is official unless they consummate it.
    Yesterday at 8:23am · Like · 2
  • Justin Tilghman Man, that’s a difficult position to be in. However, I believe that we have to follow God’s clear instruction that sex outside of marriage isn’t right. Engagement in our culture is not as “binding” as it was in the 1st century and even Joseph and Mary abstained during their betrothal period. Just my thoughts. What a difficult place for him to be in, my heart goes out to him.
    Yesterday at 8:35am · Like · 1
  • Lea Ann Davis McCombs There is no reason he could not go ahead and marry her now. If he is seriously wanting to be with her through her illness and then death, bearing the weight of responsibility financially, emotionally, and in other ways, then get married now.
    Yesterday at 8:44am · Like · 3
  • Elizabeth DeVore No, I took it as he was worried God wouldn’t endorse their marriage if they didn’t have sex after. “Be with her” sounded to me like just living life together, not having sex.
    Yesterday at 8:47am · Like · 6
  • Christopher Dupre Well, in the olden days (OT), sex was the definition of marriage, right? You had sex, you were married, and you were forced to make it ‘official’ by Mosaic law. Of course, it’s always been so corrupt that that gets lost in every society. I don’t thi…See More
    Yesterday at 8:50am · Like · 1
  • Ed Chait I agree with Elizabeth‘s take on it.
    Yesterday at 9:07am · Like · 1
  • Justin Tilghman Thanks Elizabeth, if that is indeed how he intended I would agree with you. The marriage is just as real, in my opinion, even if they can’t “consummate” their marriage. The vows and the covenant are made before the Lord during the ceremony and “sealed” by consummation. The couple is “pronounced” married in the sight of God at the end of that ceremony. The sexual union just solidifies those commitments. Therefore, I would say that you are absolutely married, even with out sex. But that’s just my interpretation. Could be wrong…often am, haha.
    Yesterday at 9:11am · Edited · Like · 1
  • Lincoln Bostick I agree with Elizabeth DeVore’s take on it
    Yesterday at 11:53am · Like · 1
  • Tim White I would ask a follow-up question with the overtone of, “Do you want Christ most, or her most?” The question can mean two things and I would want to be clear on his intent.
    23 hrs · Like · 2
  • Wendyl Leslie It’s interesting how we have different perspectives on this questioner’s query. Admittedly, he’s not all that clear in what he’s asking. I’m thinking I’ll respond to his question in light of both whether he wants to have sex with his dying fiancee befo…See More
    18 hrs · Edited · Unlike · 4
  • Gwen Sellers Great work on your response, Wendyl!
    17 hrs · Like · 3
  • William Brenner Answer it both ways and he’ll have his answer. Marry her now but don’t think consummating the marriage is required.
    15 hrs · Like · 2
  • Patrick Thompson FacebookKind of an unusual question, but none the less I believe he has answered his own question with the correct response. He says “just to be with her is enough”! Good answer! Now, of course from a scriptural perspective, if the marriage is not consummated, that sexual act would be considered fornication. The Greek word in the gospels and epistles is always a reference to sin. 1st Cor. 7 is also a very good reference to principles for marriage. It is obviously a very unfortunate situation that he is in. However, in yielding to the Lord and getting good solid council on this matter, he will be doing the right thing.
    14 hrs · Like · 2

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