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Q&A regarding divorce and public ministry

December 31st, 2014

I have a question from a gentleman who is concerned that his divorce disqualifies him from returning the ministry. The divorce was ultimately due to HER infidelity, not his. He sought reconciliation with his wife but she is the one who ultimately refused reconciliation.

My opinion is that this divorce does not disqualify him from the ministry for the following reasons 1) he was not the unfaithful party, 2) he sought to maintain the marriage with everything in his power, 3) the ultimate decision against reconciliation was his wife’s choice. 1 Cor. 7:15 does not condemn the believing spouse if the unbelieving spouse chooses to leave. I believe that, if he did everything he could to keep the marriage, if the other spouse chooses to leave, he is not condemned in the divorce

I also believe that the “one woman man” qualification does not mean only one marriage, but means that the elder’s heart is fully devoted to his wife and no other. He does not seek divorce for reasons outside of Scripture and he is not characterized by desires for other women or wandering eyes. From this gentleman’s question I feel he is that kind of man. He very much wanted his wife to stay and is very hurt that she has left.

I would really appreciate other thoughts. I want to be sure I counsel a qualified servant to continue in the ministry or an unqualified servant to not bring further reproach to the Lord.

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  • Jeff Laird I’d agree, for the reasons you’ve given. I’ve never understood the position saying a man who followed God’s will was unfit for ministry because of someone else’s sin.
    Yesterday at 8:47am · Like · 5
  • Tim White Consider, there may be something about marriage that we cannot understand. But God does. Consider, there may be something about being a pastor that we will never understand this side of death. We should not depend upon reasoning alone in these decision/answers.

    The approach I have taken (with pastors and deacons) is that this one will always be looking over his back for the next criticism. The next person who joins the church, the next member who finds out about the divorce…. the next shoe to fall.

    For their protection, I suggest they find purpose and ministry outside the ordained positions. There is plenty to do, and if we become headstrong in staying in the ministry, we might miss what God is calling us to do because we cannot die to the desire and expectations we have.
    Yesterday at 9:19am · Like · 2
  • Sarah Van Baale Funny you should bring this up, I’m currently in an amicable conversation with our pastor because my husband is disqualified from leadership because of my previous divorce (even though it was due to my ex-husband’s infidelity). I too took the stance that God doesn’t “transfer sin.” But our pastor and church take the stance that the qualification is a standard not a sin issue. Here is the reason he quoted straight from the last e-mail, “God expects us to try and understand the point of the phrase “husband of one wife”. I think He means more than a very literal/wooden one man-one woman reading of the Text. Could it mean one man with one wife at a time? No – too wooden. Does the wife’s relationship with previous spouses fall under this phrase? I think so. For instance, if a wife had four previous husbands, would that fall under this phrase? Do her previous marriages affect her husband’s ability to meet the standard? I think so, because they affect the relationship. Perhaps paraphrased the phrase means “a healthy marriage relationship uncomplicated by divorce”.

    So that is the stance that our traditional/Baptist church takes – absolutely no divorce no matter what. I don’t think I agree with him. However, I know that this is very common in the Baptist church. It is another perspective to consider and perhaps address since this seems to be quite common in traditional churches. (Personally, I think this goes beyond 1 Timothy 3 into an extra-biblical qualification.)
    Yesterday at 9:29am · Edited · Like · 1
  • Steven Matthew Vovk It sounds very black and white, 1Corn has absolved him of any wrong doing because SHE left, Paul says, if the unbeliever goes then let them.
    Yesterday at 9:39am · Like
  • Sarah Van Baale Steven, you may be correct, but believers and unbelievers alike sin. I don’t think we can assume she was an unbeliever – just a sinner.
    Yesterday at 9:58am · Like · 2
  • Robert Pristoop What if she left him because he was not an attentive husband? Was he too busy with ministry and not remembering that his first ministry is to his wife and family? Just asking. If he truly is innocent in his marriage then I don’t see a problem with leadership after a period of counseling and reflection. Scripture is clear about adultery or abandonment by unbelieving spouses. I also don’t agree with what Sarah is being told. If a woman who has biblical grounds for divorce remarries, her husband should not be disqualified from ministry. What if the divorce happened before she was a believer? Things get complicated but if the situation is clear then leadership is possible. If the waters are muddied then I agree with Tim, there are many positions we need filled that are not ordained. Happy and healthy New Year to everyone!
    Yesterday at 10:00am · Like · 2
  • Stuart Mattfield Wow…great points again…I’ll add some thoughts: 1) Sin does transfer…we know this from Adam. I’m not sure this principle applies in this discussion, but I want to throw this point out because I’ve seen a few people state that sin doesn’t transfer. We are all guilty due to the sin of Adam…so, I would propose that it does transfer, in terms of this question…2) I agree that this may not preclude one from serving in ministry. I would not agree that it is black and white…hence why there are so many questoins, but I do believe that it precludes ministry. Sarah: I would disagree that your divorce at all precludes your husband from ministry. And what do we do with someone who came to faith later in life after a divorce. If the comment “husband of one wife” means throughout one’s entire life…then so do the other comments. Should we never ordain someone who abused alcohol prior to faith…or was given to anger? I’m not sure that is what the text intended. As always…I like Tim’s comments…
    Yesterday at 11:24am · Edited · Like · 1
  • Patrick Thompson Divorce is always a very unfortunate situation particularly for a Christian. While divorce appears to be allowed in both Testaments (Deut. 24:1-5;1st Cor. 7:15 , 27-28), it is never encouraged because it always violates God’s original intention for marriage. Many church governing bodies such as church boards, denominational over sight, etc. have little to no tolerance toward divorce when concerning ministers. Depending if this man is within such a structure at his church, this could effect the outcome of him being able to stay in the ministry, regardless of doing all the right things to prevent divorce. However, I do believe that the scriptures teach restoration is God’s grace in all situations.
    22 hrs · Like · 1
  • Sarah Van Baale Stuart, I think the whole “sin transfer” issue is a very gray area. Yes, we are all born sinners because of original sin. But I don’t think that we have to stand judgement for another person’s sin. I understand OT sacrifices and even Jesus as the Lamb, but I don’t know of any other place where sin transferred from one person to another. Then again, I’m open to the fact that I’m wrong. It is hard to imagine standing before God and giving account for the sin of another person. I think we each have enough of our own to deal with.
    22 hrs · Like
  • Justin Tilghman Stuart I can appreciate your comments here but I would disagree with saying that sin transfers. The consequences of Adam’s sin and that sin nature transfer to me because I was born “in Adam.” However, I am personally guilty before God because of my own sin. I don’t think this applies to Sarah’s situation. From what I see in her post, HER sin didn’t lead to the divorce but rather her husbands. Jesus does not call the believer who is left an adulterer. And Paul tells us that the believing spouse is to let the unbelieving, sinning spouse go. In response to Robert, I’m going to step out on a limb here and say that if someone is in unrepentant marital unfaithfulness they give evidence of high probability that they were never a true believer to being with (1 John 3: 6, 9; 5:18).

    I did consider the possibilities that Robert suggested though. However, given the vagueness of his question I assumed him to the innocent party in the matter and answered accordingly.

    I thoroughly appreciate the feedback from you all, though. It is a blessing to work with God-fearing folks that can share differing opinions without resorting to name-calling or hurt feelings.

    I am always enriched by these conversations!
    22 hrs · Edited · Like · 1
  • Ed Chait Great discussion! I will add these OT verses in that I believe may also apply.

    “Fathers shall not be put to death because of their children, nor shall children be put to death because of their fathers. Each one shall be put to death for his own sin.
    (Deuteronomy 24:16)

    “Yet you say, ‘Why should not the son suffer for the iniquity of the father?’ When the son has done what is just and right, and has been careful to observe all my statutes, he shall surely live. The soul who sins shall die. The son shall not suffer for the iniquity of the father, nor the father suffer for the iniquity of the son. The righteousness of the righteous shall be upon himself, and the wickedness of the wicked shall be upon himself.
    (Ezekiel 18:19-20)
    22 hrs · Edited · Like · 1
  • Ed Chait On the other hand, God says this also:

    You shall not bow down to them or serve them; for I the LORD your God am a jealous God, visiting the iniquity of the fathers on the children to the third and fourth generation of those who hate me,
    (Deuteronomy 5:9)
    21 hrs · Like
  • Sarah Van Baale Yes – “of those who hate me.” Hating God is a sin committed by each of those generations.
    21 hrs · Like · 2
  • Ed Chait Those verses address generational sin, so different from marriage, but thought they might add something as to God’s general principles on transfer of sin.
    21 hrs · Like
  • Ed Chait I agree with your last comment Sarah.
    21 hrs · Like · 1
  • Stuart Mattfield Ed captured what I was getting at. When I say that “sin transfers,” I am referring to those passages of Scripture that show that God does hold generations…or nations…guilty of the sins of those around them. It’s corporate sin. Read the oracles against the nations in Jeremiah. God held whole nations guilty and punishable for their treatment of God’s chosen people. While it is arguable that such treatment was a matter of national policy, making the leaders responsible for carrying it out, God punished entire nations. So, I am saying that sin does transfer corporately in some instances. Also, I agree that this would not be the case with Sarah, as she describes it.
    21 hrs · Like · 2
  • Justin Tilghman I can agree with you in terms of corporate sin, Stuart. Thanks for the thoughts!
    20 hrs · Like
  • Stuart Mattfield But exegetically…the “of those who hate me” applies to the individual…the verse still speaks directly of the fact that the iniquitiy is passed down to the third and fourth generation…
    18 hrs · Like
  • Stuart Mattfield …but yes…undoubtedly those generations will have issues of their own to deal with…
    18 hrs · Like · 2

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