Team GotQuestions Blog

a Blog for Sharing Stories, Tips & Encouragement

Question on Having a Gay Child

September 13th, 2014

NV Harder
September 12

Okay, I have answered this one but am curious about how you would answer it. what the word of God say and do with a homosexual man or women lexbian . do you think that they are born that way. how you are supposse to deal with your child gay.

  • Seen by 35
  • MeLissa LeFleur Houdmann There is an article on GQ that you might find interesting. Search for “born gay.”
    18 hrs · Edited · Like · 2
  • Tim White Having worked in a ministry that tried to reach the gay community, I have changed my approach by presenting that we all have an area that we are weak and prone to sin. Whether it is same-sex or opposite sex temptations does not justify the lifestyle and surrendering to the weakness. Although most gays reject this, some are actually open to the argument that Christ is the answer to the weakness instead of God being blamed for creating a mistake. It keeps us off the battlefield that the gay community hates, and that is whether they were born that way or not.
    18 hrs · Like · 5
  • Stuart Mattfield I agree with Tim. I have addressed this question when it has come up by stating that it is irrelevant. The intent behind the question is to lay the ground work for the point that if they are born that way, then God should not hold them guilty…as He was the one who created them (with the insinuation that He specifically created them “that way”). Tim hit the mark. Change the word “gay” with “sin.” Did God create us with sin or with the possibility to sin? It’s the later. So, we are still responsible for our sin. This same thing, as Tim already pointed out, applies to opposite sex temptations too…not just same-sex ones.
    17 hrs · Like · 4
  • Marilyn Mcclintock My friends’ son went that direction, having been teased about his high voice and feminine mannerisms. Such a sweet guy. His mom said she loved him and always would, but would not ever agree with his chosen lifestyle or compromise the Word of God (which she shared). He moved out of state, and after living a year with friends of like-mind, realized it wasn’t for him. He is now back home, and living “straight”. God was such a big part in his return.
    17 hrs · Like · 4
  • Robert Pristoop I like to point them to John 9:1-3. The man born blind was certainly born blind but he was born that way to overcome his blindness and give glory to God. How great it is for them to overcome their homosexuality and give glory to God.
    17 hrs · Like · 2
  • Robert Lowry The questioner asks “how you are supposse to deal with your child gay.” This may be oversimplification, but 1) pray for the child, 2) ask God to open a door to the person to share God’s truths with them about homosexuality, 3) pray for the child. There’s really nothing else you can “do” to change things. It’s in God’s hands.
    17 hrs · Like · 2
  • Sarah Van Baale How do we deal with a gay child? I think we deal with them the same way we deal with an adult child who has decided to have sex outside of marriage. The church seems to have their “favorite sins” to look down upon. Homosexuality is at the top of the list. Yet, fornication, which falls well within the same ‘category’ of sexual sin is quietly accepted – not from the pulpit – but within the congregation. Having formerly been in ministry, I find it very disturbing that adulterous pastors seem to come down exceedingly hard on people who practice homosexuality. Yet they expect to be quickly forgiven of their sexual sin because they are weak and have temptations like any other man. God created sex to be enjoyed and practiced within certain bounds – one man, one woman, in marriage. Anything outside of that is a sin, doesn’t matter if it is boyfriend/girlfriend, mistress, homosexual partner, child, etc. This whole ‘born that way’ or ‘chosen lifestyle’ is absolutely pointless. I agree with Tim. Just because you may be born with a certain appetite (or weakness) doesn’t mean God wants you to satisfy it in any way you see fit.

    I had a “gay” friend who loved the Lord dearly, never practiced a homosexual lifestyle, and was committed to living a holy life. Unfortunately, he committed suicide at a Baptist college his sophomore year. If he could have changed his attraction, he would have in a minute. I know how much of a struggle it was for him, to the point where the depression was more than he could bear. He would probably say he was born that way, and I would have to agree. Perhaps, we as a church, need to change the way we view same sex attraction. Instead of vehemently condemning people because of their sinful gay lifestyle, we should stand on our values, not compromising the truth, but supporting those who struggle while encouraging everyone to live a holy life.
    16 hrs · Like · 3
  • Stuart Mattfield Great points Sarah. We need to show love, we need to remember that sin is sin. Those are all true points. But I have concern about the other end of the spectrum. I would argue that other elements of fornication and sexual sin are not going as far as the gay rights movement to force others into endorsing their lifestyle (think business owners who have been sued in recent months) and silence the church’s ability to call it a sin. We need to show love while simultaneously returning this issue back to what it is really about: morality instead of rights.
    16 hrs · Like · 3
  • Sarah Van Baale Stuart – I agree with you on that! I wouldn’t support anyone’s right to sin. I also don’t support polygamy, not the guy in Utah who kept marrying child brides. But the strength of the movement shouldn’t really change our view of sin. The political and legal ramifications of the gay rights movement certainly impacts our lives, but it shouldn’t change how we view sin. Some churches decided to just give in, except it, and even ordain gay ministers, other churches have come out staunchly against people who are gay and practice shunning. All I’m advocating is that as a church we approach it in a similar manner to other sexual sins.

    We can’t necessarily legislate morality, and my vote will never condone gay marriage, but throwing politics into the middle of the church gets messy.
    16 hrs · Edited · Like · 2
  • Stuart Mattfield Sarah, I would submit that we should view all sin alike…but approach it differently. I know some may disagree with that statement, but let me give you two analogies. We would agree that view all diseases as bad, and while we fundamentally approach them the same way (i.e. treat the symptoms, seek the cure), we specifically approach them differently (i.e. focus on those that are more visceral and doing rapid damage. Similarly, and more close in analogy, we view all crimes as violation of the law. But we approach theft differently than we do murder. In your example, I think we should approach polygamy the same as we do homosexuality, as both are actively lobbying the government to restrict the church’s ability to hold to a moral standard. New Jersey recently put on hold writing it’s marriage equality into law because the gay rights movement does not like the religious exemptions. In other words, it’s not enough that they have the right to get married…they want the state to be able to tell the church that they have to perform it. That absolutely requires a different and direct approach in dealing with it, even if it is no different in view as a sin than a man and a woman living together out of marriage.
    16 hrs · Like · 3
  • Stuart Mattfield And maybe we are talking about two separate things…the individual who is homosexual, and the movement. I do think both need different approaches.
    16 hrs · Like · 4
  • Sarah Van Baale I agree with you Stuart and I think we are talking about two separate things. The movement should be attacked head on and from all sides. Yet the individual needs love and correction. We want to invite the individuals into our church, but we must keep the movement out. There is also a huge political element here which we don’t fight as a church, but rather as voting citizens.
    16 hrs · Like · 3
  • Stuart Mattfield Agreed whole-heartedly Sarah!
    16 hrs · Like · 2
  • NV Harder Basically, this was my answer. Practicing ongoing sexual sin and promoting it in causing others to stumble is the reason why Sodom and Gomorrah were destroyed (Genesis Chapters 18-19; Judges Chapters 19-21; Matthew Chapter 18). No one is born gay. Christian parents, guardians, mentors, authority figures, and/or siblings, as saved sinners themselves, are supposed to deal with their children or brothers or sisters in justly addressing sin in seeking confession to God in heartfelt U-turns of repentance via Christ’s self-sacrificial love, not lust and pride, to enable reconciliation and communion with each other (1 Corinthians Chapters 5 & 12-13 & 2 Corinthians Chapter 5; Luke Chapter 15).
    Because we are not robots, the Living Lord God of the living in His three-in-one persons of Father, Son, and Spirit created us to willingly choose to glorify Him but humankind disobeyed Him when tempted to do so (Genesis Chapters 1-4; Matthew Chapters 3, 13, 18, & 22). Since the fall into sin, people’s DNA has been steeped in pollution and has intergenerationally degenerated in death of the heart-mind and soul (Romans 6:23). In this way, the original framework of the architectural plan of the genetic code has been cracked and mutated over time into specifically notable disease-bearing genotypes.
    However, although a thorough search of the human genome has been made, there is absolutely no evidence whatsoever of a “gay gene” of substandard construction materials. That is good because, according to the Holy Bible, our self-worth is derived from our personal relationship and identification with the eternally all-powerful, all-present, and all-knowing Father by way of the door of the Son empowered by the Spirit to new life in Him–the divine means by which our sins and the transgressions of others are completely forgiven and forgotten in the Golden Rule (John Chapters 3 & 10; Matthew Chapters 5-7; Psalm 103:12).
    Yet, also like building a house, informational transfer does not begin and end with mere genetics. Each person lives within the biopsychosocially differentiated home environment of her or his body in superficially visible phenotypes (e.g., skin, hair, and eye color) epigenetically molded during critical rapid growth periods throughout the developmental lifespan from womb to tomb. This enables people to be motivated to adapt in coping with the challenges found in the niches of their home lives and birth orders in societal caste-systems. Please do not underestimate God’s universal sovereignty in allowing fallen human beings the opportunity to experience free will temporally at the expense of Him exercising His will eternally.
    The ability to cope itself is energized through mitochondrial DNA we actually inherit from our mothers. Coping skills give us the ability to change our minds one way or another–choosing either to be deceived in not acknowledging and resolving the lusts and pride in our heart-mind souls or choosing not to be deceived in simply placing our trust in God’s promises to save us from ourselves. For instance, I was raised in a volatile blended family of intergenerational lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transsexual (LGBT) and heterosexual criminal pedophiles promoting the sadistic and totally unethical pseudoscientific research of Alfred Kinsey, who has been discredited by honest scientists. Now there are mandatory reporting laws for abuse and neglect inside and outside the assembled church body among the clergy and missionaries, healthcare practitioners, teachers, first responders, etc.
    Such unsafe home situations as my family of origin are extremely unstable and dysfunctional in domestic violence, unhealthy in child maltreatment, and energy-depleting to all members of biologically nuclear and insecurely attached blended families. Adverse childhood experiences (ACEs) in child maltreatment are known additive and/or severe traumatic stressors–precursors associated with acute and/or chronic poor health outcomes due to oxidative distress. ACEs are often co-morbid with anxiety disorders such as posttraumatic stress (PTSD) and are not alleviated with self-medicating addictive and/or ritualized obsessive-compulsive behaviors frequently correlated with mitochondrial attrition observed in feelings of helplessness, hopelessness, depression, and suicidal ideation, attempts, and/or completion.
    The point is that children actually do learn what they live in either good or bad parental, sibling, and/or mentoring relationships, so the pressure of cognitive dissonance in making choices is not always a bad thing (1 John 1:8-10; Exodus 20:1-17). Yet, whenever it is a bad thing, there is an inclination of such hostages to be prone to Stockholm Syndrome in specifically recycling the favorite sexual sins of their ancestors in justification of their own thoughts, words, and deeds, but God’s Truth has promised to set us free to produce good spiritual fruit, not bad spiritual fruit (Galatians 5:1 & 5:22-23; John 16:4). Even though there are many kinds of sins, and all sin of any kind is wrong, the worldly promotion of sexual sins in particular, degrades individuals from within and without, cheapening people’s overall estimations of themselves and others (1 Corinthians 6:18).
    That being said, struggling with the temptation to sexually act out is not the unforgivable sin, however, calling God a liar on a permanent basis is, by saying that no one has ever been or will be miraculously changed in the process of hope leading from salvation through sanctification to a heavenly home (John Chapter 14; Luke 12:10; Mark 3:28-29; Matthew 12:31-32). After all, Norma Leah McCorvey (neé Nelson), also known as Jane Roe of Roe v. Wade, had a significant change of heart-mind soul from being an unsaved lesbian abused child born of an alcoholic single mother and was herself adjudicated a legally unfit single mom who later worked in abortion clinics. She became a saved sinner as a professing Christian denominationally affiliated with the Roman Catholic Church who finally become an anti-abortion/pro-life advocate associated with Priest for Life. Although I have always been a heterosexual female and do not advocate joining the Roman Catholic Church for doctrinal reasons, I hope her story and mine give you hope, too.
    13 hrs · Edited · Like · 3
  • Marilyn Mcclintock Thanks, NV.

Team GotQuestions Blog

a Blog for Sharing Stories, Tips & Encouragement