Help with a Question giving counsel to an unmarried couple with a child in which the man now seems to be a believer

I would appreciate some help with this follow-up question. He and his partner are not married but have been together for 7 years and have a child. I don’t know if he is thinking about 2CO 6:14, but that’s what comes to my mind as his reason for not marrying his girlfriend. His initial question was about how to balance daily work and Christian ministry, so he seems to have the desire to live the Christian life. I did impress upon him the importance of honoring God and His …Word by marrying his girlfriend, but that was before he told me she was not a believer. I think making the marriage commitment would do a lot towards drawing her to Christ. In any case, I believe the correct and responsible thing for him to do is to get married, not knowing if she will ever come to Christ or not, but again, your thoughts are appreciated. Is it the child they have had that answers this question? What if they didn’t have a child?

“thanks and yes you understood my question well. also when you said partner she is my mother of my child and has been a long terk girlfriend 7 years now. only issue is that she isnt a christian but does believe that there is a god. how do i bring christ to her life in a non forced way.”

Note:

Profile: Male, 18-30, Europe,

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Sarah Van Baale It is because of questions like this that I wish we were able to sit and talk with some of the questioners for a couple of hours. There has got to be a lot more to his story. The child complicates the situation, but marrying a non-Christian isn’t such a good idea. I’m not sure what their relationship is like now, but if they act like they’re married when they aren’t, this is exceptionally confusing. If I had a couple of hours, I’d ask about how Christ first entered his life and go from there. I’d also ask how he incorporates Christ into his everyday life. I wouldn’t mention it in my answer, but I think it very odd that he wants to bring Christ into her life and also is trying to balance life with Christian ministry. Something doesn’t quite jive. I get the impression that Christ is somewhat compartmentalized in his life.

May 29 at 10:51pm · Like · 2
Ed Chait I am posting his initial question and my answer because it will add more background info.

Question 401764: As a christian how are we to live a christian life? lets consider myself, im 21 and have had a child when i was 17 im still with my partner, so now ive got a family to look after and i want to work hard in life to support them but on the flip side now i wont me in the minstery due to work commitments, so how does one balance the earthly life with the spiritual life? Hopefully you understand what im trying to say. thanks for the time.

Profile: Male, 18-30, Europe,

Due Date: 5/29/2015

Hello and thank you for your question!

I believe that I do understand your question, but if not, please respond and let me know and I will write back.

The first thing that I would like to address is your use of the word “partner” to describe the woman whom you have had a child with. In the country where I live, we often use the word partner when we are describing someone who we are not married to but in a relationship with. If that is the case, this does not honor what God says in the Bible about the marriage relationship between a man and a woman.

It is good to desire to live a Christian life, therefore an important thing for you and your partner would be to officially marry in accordance with the laws of your country.

(Matthew 19:6) So they are no longer two but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate.”

As regards balancing our need to work and make a living for our family versus ministry and spiritual life, there is really no conflict. The majority of Christians do not work full-time in a Christian ministry. As one example, I work full-time in a medical office and also work for GotQuestions. Also, if we are Christians through having placed our faith in Jesus for the forgiveness of our sins, we are *always* Christians, every moment of every day, whether we are working or serving God in another manner. Everything that we do should be done in service to God, even if we are not employed full-time in a specifically Christian organization.

(Colossians 3:23) Whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men,

Therefore, whatever work we do, we are to approach it as not only a way to earn a living, but also as our spiritual service to God. We are not to see our lives as a division between service to man and service to God. When I am working at the medical office, I strive to keep this in mind and do the best work I am able because it is in service to God. Even if our job is doing something like shining shoes or selling automobiles, we are to do good and honest work because we are serving God.

As far as our spiritual disciplines, there are three things that I believe are essential for every Christian; reading and studying the Bible regularly, attending a local church regularly, and praying regularly. These three things can be done in balance with whatever work we do to earn a living.

I hope this answer is helpful to you, but again, if I misunderstood your question, please do not hesitate to let me know.
Thank you again for your question and may God bless you!

May 29 at 10:56pm · Like
Ed Chait I’ve been thinking more about this situation. I said previously that it would be the correct and responsible thing for him to marry his girlfriend. I am now thinking that it is not the Biblically correct thing to do according to 2CO 6:14, but I’m still thinking it is the responsible thing to do. Upon even more thought, I’m completely at a loss of what the godly thing to do would be in this situation.

May 30 at 1:54am · Edited · Like
Lori DeGrazia Great job on explaining how we can serve God in any situation. He may not understand what salvation is. Sounds like he might be looking towards a works-based view. He may need a clear explanation of salvation, which he can then explain to the partner. It seems to me, that if he has truly committed his life to Christ, he should ask her to marry him with the understanding that they will live according to God’s Word. He’s responsible to his child to train him up in God’s Word. If she accepts, then they can grow together in Him, if she does not, then they need to separate and make the child a priority.

May 30 at 6:21am · Like · 1
Marc Weiss Ed – I honestly am not sure you should tackle the “you should marry or not marry” part directly. There are 2 ways to look at this and both are biblical. It is which one “trumps” the other. Maybe present both sides and tell him to pray and ask follow-up questions. You may also teach him how to listen to God more as well. It will be a long response, but worth it.

May 30 at 6:28am · Like · 1
Dean Revell i have a friend who I have known some thirty years – who made a profession of faith and started dating a man but wouldn’t marry him unless he professed faith. So, guess what ? yes, He professed faith…until they were married and then he fell away. Eventually, it lead to divorce and she ended up living with an atheist for years in a very backslidden state. I know the intentions always seem good and honourable in these situations and I feel for the child who needs a stable upbringing but at the same time is it going to lead to the faith of the husband potentially being shipwrecked ? We by nature are so easy to compromise than to stand our ground and the principles we hold. Sometimes it all works out ok but its dangerous to presume.

May 30 at 7:07am · Like · 1
Stuart Mattfield Ed, I agree with the comments that the issue about being unevenly yoked needs to be addressed. That is biblical. In terms of praying and leading her to Christ, that is done with much prayer and much patience. It’s on God’s timeline. But marrying would not be a good idea; one mistake should not be compounded with another. He is fully responsible for the child and should care for both, but yoking himself to an unbeliever in marriage is a bad idea.

May 30 at 7:19am · Like · 1
Lea Ann Davis McCombs I would approach this a bit differently and start with his own assumption that he is a born again disciple of Christ. Any man who can live in sexual immorality, openly and unrepentantly for 7 years does not appear to have the power and conviction of the Holy Spirit living within him. I would point him to 1 John 3:7-10, Luke 9:23, and 14:25-34 and ask him to evaluate his reality in light of what Jesus said a follower looked like. It grieves me that so many people have bought into a cheapened form of Christianity that is costless and secondary to their lives when Jesus never taught anything of the kind.

May 30 at 7:45am · Like · 5
Dean Revell In those days, Israel had no king; each did as hey saw fit.(Judges 21 v.25)

May 30 at 8:26am · Like · 1
Lori DeGrazia I fully agree that he should not marry someone who has not committed to Christ. But it appears he does not understand faith in Christ. Therefore, if he gains understanding, repents and commits to Christ, he can present this to his partner. In my opinion, this is not the same as a dating couple presenting an “ultimatum” for marriage. I, too, know of couples that have divorced due to this scenario. The difference here is that they have already formed a family, albeit in disobedience to God. It’s a tough call. One that requires prayer, obedience and maturity. I will keep them and you, Ed, in my prayers.

May 30 at 8:51am · Like · 1
Dale Agner Great thoughts and perspectives…this is a broken egg,where the “ideal” will not be achieved. With regards to “unevenly yoked”….this was the primary principle until their became a conception. He is now a father, and has a responsibility to his child. If the child’s mother will marry him, he should marry. In 1 Corinthians 7:14, the “unbelieving spouse” is sanctified by the believing spouse. If she chooses not to marry him, then the passage would imply he is free to marry another. “While we were yet sinners…Christ died for us”…this would be an example of Christ to his potential wife, who bore his child. We are the bride of Christ, and we have been unfaithful….Taking responsibility, by offering to marry, would be an appropriate demonstration of taking responsibility for his child…

May 30 at 2:06pm · Like · 2
Ed Chait I went for a walk to meditate on your thoughts and gather my thoughts. I now have something gelling together as to how to approach this situation. It’s such a blessing and privilege to be a part of this group and share these tough questions with you. I remember back when I didn’t have the ability to network with other volunteers and I’m so glad and grateful we can do that now. I can’t thank you enough for your help.

May 30 at 4:37pm · Like
Stuart Mattfield Dale, I have to respectfully disagree. The child does not change the situation as it pertains to marriage. The marriage is between the man and the woman. Yes, they should not have had a child together, but they do. Marrying in this case is only adding another wrong on top of a previous wrong. Not marrying does not change his responsibility to the child. He can still exercise responsibility without having to marry an unbeliever. Also, 1 Corinthinans 7:14 does not speak to two who are unmarried…it speaks to 2 who are married. In Paul’s time…many were coming to faith anew. The question is should one then divorce their spouse if they are an unbeliever. His point was that they should stay married so that the unbeliever may be sanctified through the other’s beleif. What you’re saying would conflict with what Paul said in 2 Cor 6:14.

May 30 at 5:04pm · Like · 2
Paul W Collins Find out what he is afraid of first and work from there….