Question: Why is gentleness such an important factor in relationships in the church?
Profile: Over 60
Answered by: Lester Smith, who has been serving on our Q&A Answer Team since June 2022.
Answer: Hello and thank you for your question. I will give you an answer from the Bible.
In Galatians 5:22-23 ESV we read, “But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control.” These nine things comprise the fruit of the Spirit. Some have said that if you do not have all nine elements, then you do not have the fruit of the Spirit. I do not know that I fully agree with that statement. I certainly know that I do not exhibit all nine elements of the fruit of the Holy Spirit all of the time. But when we do, I believe it shows that we are yielded to the Holy Spirit that indwells every believer in Jesus Christ, and then and only then will people “see Jesus in us.”
A Christian author, Elizabeth George, said, “Gentleness is strength under control. It is the ability to stay calm, no matter what happens.” Exodus 34:6, 7 ESVstate, “The LORD passed before him (Moses) and proclaimed, ‘The LORD, the LORD, a God merciful and gracious, slow to anger, and abounding in steadfast love and faithfulness, keeping steadfast love for thousands, forgiving iniquity and transgression and sin, but who will by no means clear the guilty, visiting the iniquity of the fathers on the children and the children’s children, to the third and the fourth generation.’” From this description of the LORD, we see fearsome judgment, but there is also love, grace, and forgiveness. The wages of sin is death; sometimes in the Old Testament we see instant death as a result of sinning against a Holy God. But, we also see gentleness in dealing with sinners. When David committed his great sin against Uriah by taking his wife and then having Uriah killed to cover his sin, David reaped fourfold in paying for what he had sown. He lived a life of great sorrow over the tragedies that came to his family. But, having confessed his sin as recorded in Psalm 51, he later talked of the blessedness of forgiveness and the gentle way that God had dealt personally with him in Psalm 32. And the sin against God, was actually greater than his sin against Uriah, according to Psalm 51:4, where we read, “Against you, you only, have I sinned and done what is evil in your sight, so that you may be justified in your words and blameless in your judgment.”
It appears that God’s gentleness may be the attribute that forms the balance between judgment and mercy. If that is the case, then if God’s gentleness is so important, it must be an important part of our lives as we deal with others. Jesus was gentle with sinners. In John 4, He gave living water to the Samaritan woman, with whom the Jews would have nothing to do, and because of her testimony, many others believed in the city where she lived. To the woman taken in adultery, He said, “Go and sin no more.” In our own lives, in dealing with others, including lost people as well as Christian brothers and sisters, gentleness enables us to “speak the truth in love.”
Not only do Christian laypeople need to manifest gentleness in dealing with other others, but with the stresses and trials of Christian ministry, especially in the pastorate, do I see the need for gentleness. In 1 Timothy 3:1-7, the Apostle Paul laid out the qualifications for being a pastor. In vv. 1-3 we read, “The saying is trustworthy: If anyone aspires to the office of overseer, he desires a noble task. Therefore an overseer must be above reproach, the husband of one wife, sober-minded, self-controlled, respectable, hospitable, able to teach, not a drunkard, not violent but gentle…” It is so easy, in trying to preach “the whole counsel of God,” to become judgmental in our preaching. Preachers, who see the evils of our culture, and want to preach against them without compromise, can easily become hard and are often seen to be angry with their people, because of a lack of gentleness that was so much at the forefront of the life and ministry of our Lord Jesus. If a pastor preaches the truth without gentleness, he starts preaching “at people” rather than “to people,” and there is a world of difference.
I have included a link below to a short article on our web site that gives further detail to gentleness as a part of the fruit of the Spirit. I believe it will be helpful to read it.
I hope, without going into further detail, I have been able to answer why we need gentleness in our dealings with those inside and outside the church. Thank you again for your question. We appreciate your trusting us with your questions about the Bible and the Christian Life.
